Muammar Al Khadafi

I find it truly disconcerting that,...after fifty-three years of life on this planet,...there is someone who could actually call cole slaw,...."cold slaw",...without a hint of self-consciousness or shame.

When I hear this type of bombastic banter, I don't correct,...cajole....or even laugh. I let it pass with the silence of a sparrow.

It's not the fact that the person doesn't know better,...I think it's more the fact that, to them at least, it sounds more pleasing to the indiscriminate ear.....not withstanding, of course...my ears...which happen to be more discriminate than the next set of fifty-three-year-old ears,...mind you.

Cole slaw is, indeed, cold,...it is not, however, called "cold" slaw for that reason.

Whatever the reason is,...(of which, I do not know....because the origins of the cole slaw escapes me at the present moment)....as to why it's not denoted with the "cold" prefix,...instead of the regular ol' "cole"...remains a mystery for the ages.

I would be remiss to not say that I don't think it makes a lot of sense NOT to call it cold slaw,....as the verbal pronunciation could remain as a reminder to us that this particular dish requires refrigeration.....but the simple fact remains that our fathers, and their fathers before them, called this scrumptious cabbage delight, "cole slaw".

Therefore,...we must adapt ourselves accordingly. We must continue on in the tradition that was taught to us as young children. We must,....underline must....adhere to the bindings of this verbal usage.

I do not, however, look down upon those who make the innocent mistake of calling this gastronomic delight, "cold slaw". It simply doesn't make sense for me to point out the fact that their butchery of this innocuous title is something that they should feel inferior about.

I am, simply put, not that 'mean of spirit'....as it were.

Some would argue to the contrary. Some would say,...that by simply writing this essay,..I am, indeed, that mean of spirit.

I say,....bullocks to that.

There is nothing more distracting than to hear someone call "cole slaw",..."cold slaw".

The articulation of the term "cold slaw" is increasingly demonstrative of the fact that we are, indeed, a TV nation....who depend more upon the mistakenly heard....word....than the written word.

It is a sorry reflection upon the collective, "we".

I do not wish to be lumped into the masses who call cole slaw,....cold slaw. To do so would be a mistake.

However, if,...when ordering food from a Jewish deli,...I am in the company of a person who uses the word, "cold"....immediately prior to the word "slaw",...I am in danger,..by my simple silence,...of being in agreement with the incorrect term....of which, I am, most decidedly,.... NOT.

This, of course, creates a pickle.

I am left with the awkward task of using the correct term. I am the one who, by using the correct verbage, is made out to be the villain in this scenario,...when all I wanna do is simply order a fatty corned beef sandwich....with cole slaw....and baked beans.

Let us not pretend to be something that we are not. Let us not pretend that the incorrect use of the word, 'cold' does not bother us.

Should we, as caring brothers of our fellow man, stand mute when this verbal faux pas transpires in our presence?....I answer that with a resounding NO!...but we should do it anyway.

Stand mute, that is.....if only to,...perish the thought,...save others from the embarrassment that is tantamount to the soiling of one's own pants in a very public forum.

If we are the strongest nation on the face of the planet, then we must not appear as dolts when referring to our finely chopped cabbage friend as "cold",....Yes?...but we do because we are afraid to correct our other, less learned friends,....aren't we?

Let's all get on board and present a unified spirit to the rest of the world.

Let's drop the l d in favor of the correct l e,...o k?

E and D are only one letter apart....but they can do a lot of damage when in the wrong hands.

...and,...while we're at it....as we tarry forth into the great unknown of the new century, I find it amazing that a person,....who has been on this planet for 46 years,....actually refers to the hats that I wear as "berets".....

They're "newsboy" hats.

Anyway,....