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Friday, February 12, 2010
So, here I am, on a bright and sunny winter’s day, ignoring all of my house and outside chores,
drinking too much coffee, my hair all mussed, surfing the Net, or should I say the Blogosphere, lookin’ for “blogging gold”, like it’s High Noon in the Mohave Desert, 120 degrees Fahrenheit in the shade, my water canteen as dry as the river bed in which I’m scouring…
Yep, my years-long, on-going search for blogs of intellect.
Whew!
This is thirsty work!
You find them, of course, like a small gem amongst the shiny mica slivers…
Men and women of letters, who actually have something to say, who enlighten you, who teach you, who inspire you, and some who do just that while they give you a chuckle in your tummy for free!
Yep, they’re out there, but Hells-Bells, they are as hard fought for as a miner in Death Valley fights for his next panned nugget!
And, of course, when you DO find them, and you scroll down their homepage, you come to notice a pattern, very quiet, subtle, but nonetheless there…
These men and women of letters have very few followers, their RSS readership is in the single digits and Comments left are as golden elusive as was finding their blog in the first place…
Now, don’t get me wrong, the Comments that they DO receive are always engaging, reflecting the quality of the author’s prose to which they adhere…but they are a tiny few…and it all seems such a shame…
Soooo, I put these little intellectual gems in my own blogs’ Blog Roll and move on, in search of more, thinking that today, I might be on a roll…
When…
I stumble upon a “Popular” blog spot.
I’ll tell ya what they look like, ‘cause quite frankly, they all look the same…
They’re cute, they’re warm, they’re fuzzy, and they give ya a cuddly feeling all over…
(Same symptoms as the Bubonic Plague but who am I to pick gnat shit out of pepper?)
Yep, they’re rife with cutesy-pie sayings, Care-Bear like linky buttons, all usually produced by a girly-girl, who now, of course, is supposed to be a mature woman, but instead morphed into a “Housewife”, or well-healed “Hostess-with-the-Mostess”, who inundates the binary airwaves with MySpace background images that you KNOW will match EXACTLY the wallpaper she has in her kitchen or bath!
Yep. Uh-huh.
You scroll down these saccharin-laden homepages and what do you see?
Twitter & Facebook Fans: Countless…
?!!!
Sooo, you (or rather me, as I’m too stupid NOT to undertake this exercise in futility!) say to yourself, “Self, read this chick’s posts, Man! They freakin’ GOT to be as smooth and as grey-mattered as Einstein’s Theory of Relativity already! You WILL learn somethin’ from this chick, I tell ya!”
And so I do.
I begin to read…
And all the posts go something like this…
“FEBRUARY 12, 2010
Well yes, today I went shopping and I found this ADORABLE underwear set (broad shows a photos of said…sigh…) and the BRA and PANTIES were only $100! What a steal! You all should go to XYZ store!”
…or like this…
“FEBRUARY 11, 2010
Last night, my husband and I (broad shows photo of husband, naturally, like he’s the best masculine example since the invention of sliced bread…sigh…) went to a cocktail party down our street and Stephanie, our hostess, well, she had The Greatest Canapé recipe ever! It was soooo amazing that I just had to share it with you wonderful folks and tell you what wine to have with it (types out the recipe with a cutesy-pie pic of the canapés to boot, like we can’t freakin’ know ourselves what wine we would choose, ‘cause after all, we are just her heathen readers who were raised by wolves and she is our Hostess-with-the-Mostess…sigh…)!”
…or sadly like this…
“FEBRUARY 10, 2010
Here is a photo of my child Suzie playing in the snow! Isn’t Suzie amazing?! Isn’t she the most incredible, most adorable child you have ever laid your eyes on?! (plasters post with countless photos of “Suzie” in every pathetic pose imaginable, and don’t kid yourself, Suzie WILL grow up to be juuuust like her air-head Mother, her Mother NEVER ONCE considering that now, thanks to saying in what small town this family harkens and with the countless photos of the front of their house, that John, that out-on-parole pedophile is THRILLED with Suzie and is gassing up his Geo Metro right now to travel to XYZ town to LURK at Suzie through her Mother’s frilly curtained windows…!)”
Sigh...
...
And 
...
...who THE VERY MOMENT this blogger broad posts yet another pathetic example of toilet prose and pawns it off as a so-called “Post”, they WILL receive an instant email notification of the same, like it’s freakin’ BREAKING NEWS on CNN, and happily hop on over to her blog and proceed to leave 192 saccharin-overdosed Comments about her underwear buy, her boring looking hubby, her not-so-Einstein kid and that icky canapé recipe….
And I, MsBurb, being plum too stupid to see all this coming, read this shit and proceed immediately to RUN, not walk, to the nearest bathroom, making room, as it were for more coffee and another Slimfast bar, as these blogger broads keep forcing the original out of my system!!!
HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLP ME!!!
The toilet flushed, the air freshener used, the teeth brushed and the 
You know the one...
The one who has something to say, who has no Care-Bear linky buttons or bows, has only three Followers and one RSS reader, the one who WILL teach me something I never knew, who will enlighten and engross and encourage all the while entertain, not one God-damned MySpace background image within twenty miles of his blog…
They’re out there ya know...and when YOU find one, and believe me I sympathize with your quest, please acknowledge their effort and their prose gift to you by writing a Comment in their blog, letting them know that their voice is being heard, however drowned out by the Sarah Palin-like screeches from those “popular” blogger gals expounding on nothing and
going nowhere fast.
I imagine the people, especially the women of this world, who actually HAVE an intellect and HAVE something worth while to say to all of us are just too busy to have a blog.
Why, you ask?
Because they are working 100+ hours a week and taking care of their families and having a Life.
They are not housewives, they are not well-healed, they ARE learned women who WORK for a living, and more’s the pity for the rest of us blog readers out here, ‘cause we sure could use less cutesy and more cutting edge…sigh…
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