Muammar Al Khadafi

 
There are just some things that a man over forty should not wear.

Concert T-shirts and stripes.

I mean, it's OK to like Mettallica....but wearin' the t-shirt over an over-sized gut neither endears you....or the band.....to the observer of the garment in question.

(I make exceptions for my Dennis Wilson t-shirt. It was bought 2X to compensate for the girth that I have acquired....and he never got any recognition when he was alive....so it's the least I can do for a guy who has been dead since '83.)

The plain and simple fact of the matter is that it is just time to do away with this type of silliness.

I have an extraordinary amount of concert and band t-shirts. I do not wear them out of the house and only don them when I put on my flannel jammie pants as a prelude to evening retirement. In that arena, it is acceptable to wear your band proudly.....when you're over forty.

I made the mistake once of wearin' my New York Dolls t-shirt to church one Saturday morning when I was workin' in the soup kitchen. I had put this t-shirt on and then threw a sweatshirt on over it. This action was completed in the early morning hours when the lighting in my bedroom is poor. There were no ramifications of my actions but, being over forty, it caused me a certain degree of embarrassment.

I have noted, however, that when men over forty wear concert t-shirts, the fact that their own greying and receding hairline does not add justice to the rebellion they wish to display.

Let's just leave the t-shirts in the bedroom, OK? You have a full eight hours to wear your band proudly.

The other thing a guy over forty should not wear is stripes. Stripes do not add any flair to your style, no matter what you think.

I had bought some striped shirts a while ago and I could not get over the fact that, every time I looked down, I was blinded by this sea of stripes. I also couldn't get over the fact that, when I looked in the mirror, my face seemed drabber than it normally does.

Granted, I'm goin' grey and gettin' older,....but it all just seemed compounded by the myriad of colors in my shirt.

I will concede that this does not apply to everyone. Some guys can get away with wearing stripes. Some guys are known for their stripes. Some guys are called Stripes. Be that as it may, most men over forty should refrain from wearin' stripes. Stick with the dignified solid colors and you'll be OK.

While we're at it, I would like to say a word about the Converse Chucks.

Being as popular as the are now, I have to state, for the record, that they belonged to my generation before they were mass consumed by the current generation.

We simply had less to choose from. There was black, red, white and blue. They were found in the back of the shoe store. They were worn by the likes of James Dean, the Brady Bunch and the Ramones.

You stole them from us. This is not a case of us tryin' to look cool. You stole that piece of retro fashion because you are a generation that has run out of ideas.

(Case in point, the whole "pants that hang to the middle of the crack of your ass" thing. This is the best that you could come up with? You take your cues from a prison fashion that states you are available for sex with someone of the same gender?.....not a single original thought when it comes to today's fashion....)

In any event, the shoes belonged to us before you stole them.

I, personally, wear them because I have flat feet and they are the most comfortable shoes I could find. They are cheap.....and they don't feel like balloons when I put them on. I am gettin' on in years and, if this is the only solace my poor feet can find, so be it.

(I did, however, cross the line and buy some "Goth" boots. This was dutifully pointed out to me by my daughter.....after the sales was complete. They ARE "Goth" boots. I didn't mean to buy "Goth" boots. I didn't know I was lookin' at "Goth" boots when I was shopping....but they are "Goth" boots. They are Ralph Lauren Polo boots. They are black leather with a myriad of straps on the side. They are comfortable, I'll say that for them....but they are Goth boots.....)

Not to get off the subject,....but this generation did steal the Chucks from us.

As a compromise, I suggest that the younger generation ONLY wear the chucks that advertise some kinda message.....or plaid. We will wear only the white, blue, red and black.

How about that?

You have stolen our music, our fashion and our rhetoric. You have made, for your own, The Beatles, The Who, Pink Floyd and The Partridge Family.

As we deal we this generation that has completely run out of ideas, we are faced with a dilemma.

We either forsake our fashion and music or we take a stand and claim them back.

I, for one, will fight the good fight and reclaim what was once ours,....I just won't do it in my Goth boots.

Anyway,....