Muammar Al Khadafi

According to the Daily Mail, hackers have stolen Tony Blairs personal details, including his National Insurance number.

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One has to wonder why, what on earth are they going to do with them - write out a CV and apply for a job?

"In my previous employ as Prime Minister I presided over one of the most incompetent and inept regimes in modern history, at least until I was finally ousted when the public began to realise how manipulative and cunning I was.

I have previous experience of using sexed up intelligence dossiers to control public opinion, and led my nation into at least one illegal war. So far I have escaped prosecution as a war criminal, I have many friends in high places you see.

During my tenure as Prime Minister I oversaw the total dismantling of my nations borders, and the colonisation of the UK accelerated at a record breaking pace.

Spend, spend, spend was our governments motto, and we played a large part in ruining the economy.

We did have outstanding achievements in the field of human rights though, ensuring that today a Pakistani rapist has more rights than his English victim, and that those in our nation illegally can be protected from deportation because they own a cat, or had a girlfriend with child five years ago whom they have never seen since.

I oversaw Britain becoming a compensation capital of the world, with lawyers queueing up, usually at public expense, to sue for everything possible under the sun. It is, of course, pure coincidence that my wife is a lawyer.

I have shrewdly capitalised on my notoriety by writing a book about my crimes, and showed great business acumen by charging money to talk to audiences of toffs, wasters, and those who are just as manipulative as my self.

In the event I am ever thrown off the EU gravy train, advisor posts, and lovey chat circuit, please consider this my application for employment".

Hmm, no, no help there, no chance outside of the usual gravy trains and I scratched your back so you scratch mine advisory posts.

Maybe those hackers are just best off selling the NI number to a Nigerian immigrant who is keen to start a new life in Britain under the name of Tony Blair. Surely there must be someone out there who is desperate enough.